you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize