Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
