All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
