Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
