I'm lost and stupid without you.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
is wine microwaveable?
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
