I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
So much rum. So many feels.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I need a beard to bite.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
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