Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Barsexuality is the new black.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
