Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
