Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize