He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
