a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
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