And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
