watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
