If that was your dad, he is hot
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
