You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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