Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
You can't motorboat a personality
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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