I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Randomize
