Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
