Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
