I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
