Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
