doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
