come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Randomize
