u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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