Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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