i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
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