I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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