Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Randomize
