Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize