You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
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