i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize
