What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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