Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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