you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
