I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
