i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Randomize
