these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I checked into jail on foursquare
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize
