she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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