how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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