That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
