I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Randomize
