Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
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