Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
