separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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