So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
The adults are the big ones right?
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