remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
