Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I'm drive I can fine osifer
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
