I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
