Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
