your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
