from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
