i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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