i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
