coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Sacagawea was the original milf.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
