Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I AM VODKA MAN
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
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