Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
My liver just had a heart attack.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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