Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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