i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
No subtext here. People are naked.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
