Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
