Your face is a jimmy john
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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