good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize