Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize