i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
it's like heaven, but drunker
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I don't deserve a penis
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
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